Wednesday, August 25, 2010

9 Not-so-flash Things About the Dirty 30’s

You could say I’m a bit of a Pollyanna about life: my champagne glass is always half full, I look for the bright side and clouds with silver linings abound.

Then, having hit my 30’s in June, I came up with no less than nine things, dear reader, I’m not feeling flash about.

Read ‘em and weep – or laugh! – but know that there’s another blog that will herald a dozen or so tops things about turning 30.

And so, Pollyanna will return.

Number one. I’m ticking a different age bracket when I fill out forms

It’s simple, but I have to lose that smug look ‘cause we ain’t in 18-25 Kansas no more!

Number two. The ability to see spots on the kitchen bench that you never saw before (and want to scrub them out)

I don’t know where this supersonic vision came from – I used to wipe down the bench once a week. Now, when I see the ring of a teacup stained onto the white benchtop, I’ve grabbed the Spray ‘n Wipe and scrubbed it out before you can exhale.

3.       Number three. I’m no longer asked for ID

On the rare occasions when I go to a bar or – heaven forbid – club, I feel a little bit out of place, all the hip young lithe things around me. It’s not that long ago I was them, and it sure seems I reached my expiry date in a flash! If only someone would still ask me for ID, I’d slip them $100 $20.

4.       Number four. Battle against the mummy tummy

Imagine my surprise when, after nine months of dedication to Mint Slices, I pop out the divine Captain Morgan and head home to my skinny jeans, only to find I can’t get them over my ankles? Go figure. Now, with His Royal Cuteness almost seven months old, those damn jeans still taunt me from the closet. I think I’m gonna burn them.

5.       Number five. Inexplicable aches and pains

Obviously, these aches and pains will no doubt develop into my dear Mum’s rheumatoid arthritis, Baker’s cyst, gammy knee, and so on. This is precisely why I continue to ignore them – for as long as humanly possible.

6.       Number six. Looking at ‘old’ clothes in the shops and realising they aren't too old for you  

Here’s another annoying thing I’ve done for years: check out the clothes at the mall that scream ‘old chook’ and feel smug that they aren’t ‘me’. Well, in the not-so-distant future, I could be adorned in that full skirt with blouse, in matching red, silver and gold brocade! So pipe down, rub-a-dub.

7.      Number seven. The pressure to be plastic fantastic

Heidi Montag is only 23 and she’s had dozens of surgeries to morph her naturally beautiful face into, well, something less than natural. How is it that in the space of a few short years, injecting poison into one’s face has become a scarily normal thing to do? And while I don’t even have time for a facial these days, what might I be thinking about doing or even injecting into my face when I’m 35?

8.       Number eight. Realising your mortality

Ugh. I really don’t like talking about death, in fact until recently I had all but blocked it out. But a small baby makes you think about big, inevitable stuff and (at the risk of sounding like a Vodafone commercial) also thinking about what you can do to make the most of now. 

9.       Number nine. The responsibility you didn’t appreciate that you didn’t have before

Rather than finish on a downer, let’s reminisce and remember how we had it so good: endless summers, no mortgage or rent, no kids to think about, no full time job and mounds of bills to pay, or food to buy, or dog to feed, or sheets to change, and let’s not forget those kitchen benches to endlessly wipe.

So – all you kids, tweens, teenagers and twenty-somethings out there – live it up buttercup! Time passes.

What do you dislike about getting older? Leave a comment and let us know.

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