Confessions of a Routine Renegade

This morning I was following an email exchange from my mothers group around baby routines, and couldn't help but smile as I jotted down His Royal Cuteness, Captain Morgan's current routine (I use the term lightly).

5am: Eyes wide open, doing push-ups on the mattress. Parentals attempt any and all measures to induce a sleep in till 5.30am.

6am: Playtime! Crazy tumbling and crawling - trying, it appears, to fall out of bed.

7am: During breakfast, ingests as little food as possible by clamping lips shut.

9am: His Royal Cuteness is tired after partying all night, but prefers not to sleep in his cot if it can be helped. 

9.45am: Operation Destruct is in full flight with much loud noise and activity to pull out books, DVDs, toys within reach. A visit to the park is a popular choice.

11.30am: Might be time for another catnap in the car as mum attempts to regain sanity at the shops, gym or running errands.

12.30pm: During lunch, The Captain will only eat sandwiches and cheesesticks that have been prepared by the light of the full moon - anything considered to be baby food is splattered across the kitchen.

1.30pm: Attempted escape from Alcatraz is thwarted by strategically putting on Hi 5 and distracting said escapee for, oh, five whole minutes.

3.00pm: Much gnashing of teeth and flailing of arms indicates there'll be a fight to the end, but eventually results in a nap.

6.00pm: Daddy Gorgeous arrives home - there is happiness and joy in the house.

6.30pm: Dinner time! Usually results in a repeat performance of the 7am breakfast slot. Parentals reach for a medicinal glass of red.

6.45pm: Sitting regally in the bath, The Captain ignores his many bath toys, prefering to suck on a face washer instead.

7.30pm: Additional crawling, playtime, bouncing (etc) required to fully tire the monster within!

7.45pm: Blessed sleep arrives. For a limited time only.
 
10.30pm: Wakes for the night disco as soon as he hears the lights being switched off - or once other members in the house have started to doze.

 
So... what's funny about your daily routine?
 

Oh, and... you can find me on Twitter or Facebook.

 
 

When you're Not. Feeling. The. Love.

Some days. Some... days... it's all you can do not to burst into floods of tears at the supermarket checkout.

Ever been there?

You've got an attack of dropsy, you feel inexplicably on edge, the family is sick, the dog's ignoring you, you haven't slept in days, weeks or months, you're in a strangely foul mood and your hormones are playing up, your jeans have shrunk, there's too much work and not enough time, you've OD'd on coffee and chocolate, and even managed to have an argument with a loved one...

In short, you're totally-otally-wotally... Not. Feeling. The. Love.

And sometimes, that feeling can last for days or, if you're lucky, more than a week.

How do you get through it?

I don't have a magic answer, but after a few weeks of illness with a small baby to care for, a husband I love to adore who was also unwell, and a social media consultancy to run, it's been difficult to regain balance.

However, talking it through with my amazing, strong and gutsy galpals it's clear that I'm not the only one going through moments of virtual insanity amid a blur of beautiful baby babble.

Thank f*** it's not just me!

In the spirit of sharing recent crazy times for a giggle, here's me putting it out there for any other chicks not feeling it.

Situation One.The baby won't sleep. Do you:

a/ Close the baby's door and turn up the television?
b/ Put out the washing?
c/ Attempt controlled crying for an hour, rocking in his room, then uncontrolled crying, before caving in and getting him up?
d/ All of the above, then pour yourself a gin and tonic and consider the relative success of your latest adventure?

Situation Two. It's dinnertime. Do you:

a/ Put the finishing touches on the gravy for the lamb roast, whip up a cheese sauce, and light the candles?
b/ Put away the chocolate biscuits, feeling rather full.
c/ Wonder if baby thinks all food comes from a  jar or a sachet?
d/ Reach for the takeaway menu and vow to cook a truckload of vegies tomorrow night?

Situation Three. It's morning. Do you:

a/ Enjoy a yoga session with your personal trainer, thankful for the nine hours sleep you got last night?
b/ Wonder what day it is?
c/ Try to locate your other half across the bed, and spy him hanging off the side, one arm lying in a fresh patch of baby wee, with said baby jumping on the pillow?
d/ Reach for your iPhone to check Facebook, Twitter, and eBay, before hearing the sound of a hungry child, and realising it's yours?

Situation Four. You're not feeling yourself. Do you:

a/ Open a packet of Tim Tams and have yourself a hearty breakfast?
b/ Call a girlfriend and get out for a walk, enjoy a laugh stroke cry and a coffee?
c/ Surprise your other half with a date, with champagne, dinner, enjoying a nice view (and one topic of conversation...)?
d/ Take a women's multivitamin with your shiraz and hope that tonight will be the night when the baby starts to sleep through?

Have you been feeling recently - on top of the world or a bit under the weather? How did you get through it?

PS. A special word for the love of my life, Gorgeous, who senses when something's wrong, and knows just how to bring my bubble back. Thanks mister. X

Oh, and you  can find me on Twitter.